I am going to offer a hypothetical situation here. I have heard this scenario from somewhere else, and believed it thought-provoking enough to share it here, with some modifications.
I have a baby sister. She is 16 years of age, which I considered as young. She is gorgeous and eye-catching, as far as girls go. I have spent years trying to fend off the wolves, but it was an uphill battle. And I am finally losing that battle, to an outcome I knew was inevitable.
By yuumei
So one day, I was working on her cell phone, trying to fix the picture messaging since something was wrong with that particular service. And then, I stumbled across some pictures that can’t really be discussed here, both of her and a family friend her age. Furthermore, let us just say the text message conversation involved activities of certain moral codes reserved for after marriage.
By centralasian
They are certainly not something as modest as this.
The family friend is a good kid, and was rather close to me at one point of time. I suppose it could be worse, as she could be fooling around with a drug dealer or a gang member rather than this good friend of ours. And the entire thing was consensual on both their parts. However, I don’t know how I can look him in the face after knowing what he has done with my sister.
By setsu
Backstabbed...
I confronted my sister about it soon after. She exploded, metaphorically speaking. She made it clear that she resented my attempts to run her life, and now we are not on good speaking terms. Should I tell my parents about it? Should I confront the family friend? Any attempt on my part seems to lead to even more resentment from my sister. Or should I just give in?
By MrGobi
If we define ourselves by our relationships with other people, then interpersonal conflict is a constant source of anxiety and worry in our daily trudge through life. How or what then do we do to resolve this critical issue? Confronting the other person directly? Pretending it never happened? Asking someone else to mediate? Sneaking about trying to find subtle ways to solve it? Or just wallow in anger and despair waiting for it to be resolved automatically? If so, does time really heal all wounds?
By Kylamay
EDIT: 06/09/2008
The "solution" has been posted in the comments section, though whether it is right or wrong is a matter of perspective. :)
4 comments:
Woah this is a really complicated issue, and you have posted LOTS of questions for us to think about. Haha. Let me try to analyse the situation.
This big brother in the story, who seemed kind of over-protective of his sister to me, was he right to rummage through the contents of the sister's phone thereby "stumbling" across the pictures? I will say no, but one can argue that it really was an accident. Were the actions of the sister and the family friend acceptable? Based on the liberal mindset I have, I am going to say yes since both are consensual, although some people might object to it. So did the big brother handle the situation well?
"Confront" seems like a very strong word to me, as it indicates some anger and hostility was involved. If the big brother did adopt such a tone, it is no wonder the sister will feel like she is being controlled and treated like a child. My personal stand will be to talk to the sister calmly like an adult, ask if she understands what she is doing, and whether she knows the consequences of her actions. Thereafter, the big brother can also talk to the family friend in the same manner to see his stand on the matter. I think their pesonal space has to be respected, but if something really seems wrong (with their way of thinking, then again this is very subjective) after talking to them, perhaps it will then be appropriate to talk to other people (for example their parents).
This is where the movie "Finding Nemo" comes in. When it comes to a loved one, we can only give them our best opinions and support and let them make their own decisions.
Regardless of whether they'll regret it or not in the future, its ultimately their choice and we really have no place to make their decisions for them forever.
It is time to treat the sister as an individual who is supposed to be able to think for herself and make the best decision that she can.
This is a fascinating scenario, one that you describe very well.
Like your first commentator, I am only confused by the long list of questions. It would have been better to frame the main request for a solution in one or at most two questions.
Thanks!
You are both right.
Since the sister showed signs that she did not like to be controlled, approaching her like an adult would work the best. The best thing to do then would be to give advice to her and increase her awareness.
Ultimately, it is her life and he can only make sure his sister is fully informed, both about the steps needed to be taken to keep herself safe and the potential consequences that could occur.
I will also concur with the notion that telling the parents should only be resorted to if there was indeed something wrong with such an arrangement.
Also, from a rather liberal mindset, it would be wrong for the big brother to peek into his sister's phone in the firs place.
@Brad: I understand. I at first thought to list out the many possible paths of solution in the form of questions. In hindsight, I should just leave it as a single open-ended question and see what the others have to offer first.
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